Needs editing done to it. I have attached the paper, and under are things that need to be done
When revising your essay for your final portfolio, focus on these things first:
– MLA formatting: make sure your citations and Works Cited page follow MLA guidelines. When citing a journal, you should cite the article, not just the journal website. See the Everyday Writer pp. 457-508 for the MLA guidelines.
– Engaging with sources: In addition to incorporating information from your sources into your prose, you should also engage with them throughout the whole paper. In an academic essay, anything you assert needs to be cited – even if it seems ‘obvious’ to you – it only seems like that because you are well-versed in the topic! You should also engage the sources with one another, rather than talking about them one after the other. When citing your sources, focus on paraphrasing rather than quoting – you can better weave in other sources and your own conclusions this way.
– Follow the conventions of an academic essay: This is an academic essay, so it should read/sound like one. That means using edited academic English (as well as keeping personal stories/thoughts to a minimum), formatting/citing sources correctly, asserting claims that are backed up by evidence, and organizing your argument.

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